A picking of my brain.

After re-reading my last post, I feel I needed to post an current update.

Things are good. I'm healthy, my family is healthy, I am ending my Senior on quite a high note. Graduation is in nine days. Nine days until the rest of my life begins. Nine days until I get to start anew. Begin the life I have been dreaming of. I am not looking at graduation as a time of leaving something but a time of starting something new. I am going to miss my school, I LIKE my school. I'm going to mi

ss my underclassmen friends, I am going to miss choir. But, life does go on. I will make new friends at my job, in my college courses, for the rest of my life. I am in a good place right now.

Yes, I am terrified about not being completely set in a place like I have been since elementary school, but I am excited, too. I will finally get to do things I want to do, try things I haven't tried yet and most of all; work on my writing. I will stop at nothing to get my book published. Through all the "no's", all the "that's not what we're looking for", I will be successful, I know it. How many artists, actors all heard thousands of no's before they got their first yes. I am so tired of the constant "I'm never good enough" or "I'm not good as they are" mentality the world tries to impose on us. Truth is, God made not one person alike. We are all different. And guess what? Being different is fantastic. Because we are made in HIS image, not what someone else wants us all to be.

I am one of those "different" people. A "dork" you might say. I embrace that title with pride. My favorite movie is the Lord of the Rings trilogy for pete's sake. My favorite "band" is called Celtic Thunder. I say things like "jeeze" and "shoot". I may not be a hot blonde with the orange skin and white teeth, but I am perfectly happy in my own body. I mean, I could have a bit longer legs, instead of the little stumps I currently have, but as I have learned from Glee recently, the things we hate about ourselves are what makes so unique.

So I totally lost track of what I was writing about. Sorry! My future is coming fast. I am ready to grab hold of it with both hands, embrace who God made to me and use the gifts He gave me to the best of my abilities. I am ready for the world to know Heather Joy Cheslik and read the words I have to say. I am ready to make an impact with every line, every sentence, every paragraph. So, world get ready. Here I come. :)

Yours truly,

Heather Joy x

Something's gotta give.

I am not going to mention who I am writing about here, but I'm hoping they will read it and know it is about them. I'm writing this because I love you, and can't imagine my life without you. I'm writing this because this is the best way to let out all the feelings I've been having the last couple months without causing an uproar. I'm writing this because I need to vent, again not because I'm turning into some depressed creepie.

Two years ago, I met a few people that I never knew would have such a huge impact on my life. People who brought others into my life that I now can't imagine life without. These people have not only become some of the greatest friends I've ever had, but also like a second family.

I could go to them with any of life's problems and they would give me advice. I could trust them with anything. We would have fun doing anything, not just doing the things that brought us together in the first place. But apparently that was then and this is now. In the past year, the dynamic of this friendship has changed drastically, even though we all don't want to admit it, it has. We all know it. The silent promises we made to each other to make these friendships last long past "this" (you know what I'm talking about) now only seems like a far off memory. Rules are meant to be broken, not promises. Right? Strong, honest friendships are supposed to stand up against anything, correct?

What do you do when people you thought would never let you down, do? If you were really as close as they perceive you to be, they would let nothing get in the way of the friendship. But when they do let things get in the way, when they are more interested in everyone else and you are pushed to the sidelines, you have to wonder. Did they ever really care? They said you weren't just friends, you were family. You would be forever. Were those lies?

We used to get so excited over seeing each other for a few hours every 2, 3 weeks, maybe once a month. Now when we get together, there's silent and remember when moments. We're always reminiscing. I have a thought on why; we're trying to keep a hold of what "we" used to be. What I think is that we still could be the same way, and never would have changed if it had stayed the "original" (for lack of a better term) group. We've welcomed others in (some good, some not so much) because that's what we always said we'd do, never leave someone out. But unfortunately, trying to do the right thing has backfired dangerously on us. "Back then", I never had to question anything. I always just knew. Now I do question. All the time. "What am I really doing this all for"? People are failing to realize that the issues we've been having only started when others were brought in. Until a year ago, we were the strongest, tightest knit group. Nothing could break us apart. Then one new person came, then another, then another, and by that last one, the old group didn't matter anymore. The "family" began to break apart and the few who cared weren't paid attention to. And now that many of us are steps away from finishing the breaking process. there's one question on my mind. If all this ended, if everyone threw in the towel and just quit; who would actually care? Who would actually feel like they lost something?

A REAL blog.

I felt I needed to like, ACTUALLY blog. Not just type some four paragraph "I'm a depressed emo child" thing.

So, here it is. My REAL blog. Anything new in my life? Not really. So far I am really enjoying my Senior Year. I'll enjoy it a lot more when I am finally back in my Creative Writing class second semester, but so far, I'm enjoying it. I have classes with friends (those few close ones that have yet to dwindle and am hoping won't) and all of my classes are just good. My English teacher has a freaking Irish husband and loves England. She doesn't give us homework and lets us write "journal entires" and they can be as long as we want. She wants to really "think about what we write". It's amazing. I love it. I'm hoping that this will challenge me in my writing and hopefully improve it. That's just part of my awesome English class. More will be coming throughout the semester.

I'm hoping friend drama won't occur this year, or if it does, it will subside quickly. I am hoping to go one school year without it. Senior Year is supposed to be the greatest, and I don't plan on letting anything get in my way. If I loose friends, I guess I'll have to deal, because like I said before, people change. It's almost never when I'm ready for it, but I need to learn that life happens, and it's up to you to make it how you want. As Hannah Montana once said "Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock."

As I am a Senior, I have been thinking about college a lot lately. Honestly, I don't want to go. The reasoning behind that? I don't like the "schooling" process. (Basically, I don't like Math, Science, History, etc.) I want to go to college for writing, and literature. That's it. My mom suggested I combine my two loves and become a "photo journalist." I told her you don't just become a journalist. She told me to take some classes. I would love that job. I really would. I think it would be exciting, adventurous and I would probably get to travel. But what I truly want to be and have wanted to be for a while is an author. I want people to read my words and be affected just like I am when I read a good book. I want all the world to read my words. I don't want to do it for the money or the fame, I want to do it because I have things to say and I want the world to "hear" them. I dream of having a book on the New York Times Best Seller list. Or sitting at a table and having people come to me asking me to sign their copy of my book. MY book. MY words.

I want to be like Jane Austen. How many people has she affected and still continues to affect many, many years after her death? How many people still read Pride and Prejudice and still talk about how they want a Mr. Darcy? How many people could be talking about how they want a Liam O'Gannon (a character in one of my stories) when I'm gone? Yes, I write "romance novels". Are they cheesy? No. Are they sexual and disgusting? No. They're just that, romance. A simple love between a guy and a girl that has ups and downs but works out in the end.

~

Another thing I love. Photography. I've been ammaturely snapping shots for a few years now. Anything I find interesting, or anything that I think could be seen in a different point of view. Take a crack in a aged, old building for instance. To one person it could be a crack, to me, it could be a crack that could lead inside a building that hasn't been seen in years, decades, who knows. It could lead to secrets, memories. You never know what anything could lead to. I see photos that other professional photographers take, and they touch me. In a way some things never could. I want to do that. I hope that some day someone would see a photo of mine and be touched. Maybe I could brighten someone's day, make something they're dreading to do, a little easier.

Basically, all I want to do with this life is touch and affect other people. I believe God put me here to do just that. I have been so affected, changed, touched, molded by others I've come across in this life, that I believe that's what I'm supposed to do. Make life a little easier for someone whose got it bad. Lead people away from a dark place and into light.

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD."

Ch - Ch - Changes....

Why does high school change so many people? Do we do it because we have to fit in? Do we do it to feel better about ourselves? What makes everyone want to conform so badly? What's so great about being just like everyone else?

In my opinion, absolutely nothing. Nothing is fun or exciting about looking, acting, talking just like everyone else. So I'm not platinum blonde, so my skin isn't highlighter orange, so what? What is wrong with looking like a human being? Not a painted on Barbie doll? What is wrong with having REAL thoughts and REAL opinions, not just saying "Oh yeah, what she said." If you have half a brain, suddenly no one wants to talk to you. When did being smart become so stupid? Why do you have to fail at everything to be accepted by your peers? So that by the time you succeed in something, you have no one to share it with? What the crap is wrong with my generation?

And another thing. When did being a total jerk to your real friends become cool? Why is it you can be friends with people from 7th grade to 11th grade, and then 12th grade happens and all of the sudden they'd rather not talk to you.....or be nice to you......or they'd rather just be fake and pretend they like you. I'm not one of those people who can count her best friends on her fingers and toes. I have a few best best friends and I'm happy with that. But I used to be able to count my super close friends on all fingers.....why is that number slowly dwindling? What did I do?

People change. I get that. I understand that. I respect that.

But why does it happen when I'm never ready for it? And why does changing people have to effect my life?

"For everything there is a season. And a time under Heaven."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Here I sit.....

In my fourth period class, on the second to last day of school.

Junior Year is a day from being over, and I will be a Senior in high school in one day. One day! I can hardly believe it. This year has flown by. I feel like I was just beginning my seventh grade year, and now I am a Senior in high school. So not to totally repeat my last blog, I'll move on. I cannot wait for summer time. Summer 2010 is literally going to be the best summer ever. I can't wait for it. Camp consuler with my best friend, vacation to Yellowstone with my family, eighteenth birthday, it's all going to be fantastic. I am happy to say I am ending this year with pride at my accomplishments, grateful of the friends I've made, and thankful for the friends I've kept. This is the first summer in a long time that I can say that, and I am so happy about that. I am thankful, grateful, happy and joyus to say the least. It's wonderful to feel like this and I hope it sticks for a long time. God has definately provided this past year, and I thank Him for that. I know I'm going to have a wonderful summer, and I know that Senior year is going to be the best it can be.

Signing off now,
Heather Joy

Spring is in the air :)

This will be a short and sweet post ;) As I really need to head to bed soon. Just wanted to update y'all.

Things are really looking up for me. School is almost out, I'm getting some of the best grades I've ever gotten, the weather is sunny, and I've got many things to look forward to in the coming weeks. :) Like a vacation in three weeks with my wonderful family and best friend. :)

Junior Year will soon be over....and then it will be onto my Senior Year of high school, and soon the rest of my life. My future is finally coming into view. What used to seem a big bleak void, it now seems clear and visible. No, college may not be in my future - but I do have other plans - plans that are going to honor my Lord & Savior. :) (An intership at my church!)
My future that I used to be so TERRIFIED of, now I am excited and anxious for. :)

I'm glad this is such a change from my last blog post. I'm glad I can give you guys something happy & exciting to read.

Thank you for taking the time to read this! I love you all.

Your short and sweet writer,

Heather

(That was lame too, I'll come up with a clever sign off soon :)

How do things change so quickly?

How come last week I was happy, excited and anxious for this weekend, and this week I've been crying and wishing this weekend wouldn't come?

Now, I'm not trying to be all emo/depressing, I'm just wanting an answer to my question. How do things change so quickly?

How come last week I felt like I had a group of great group of best friends, and now something has changed and I don't have them anymore? Do I really have to go through loosing my best friends for a third time in my teenage life?

Why is it that I am being proscuted for reacting to someone else's wrongdoings? Why is this person slowly tearing up my friendship with that great group being treated like God? Why isn't she ever called upon when she does things wrong?

I'm not understanding why I feel bad. I didn't do anything wrong except react. That person was the one who did the wrong thing.
Now that this has happened, I feel like I've lost a group of friends, and lost something that made me very happy.

I feel like it's gone, and there's hardly a chance for it coming back unless something massively changes, which it won't.

Don't read this and think I am going into some depression and am gonna start freaking out. I'm not. I'm simply venting. If you do read this, thanks.

Heather

And here is how I am going to start ending my blogs, with a Bible verse pertaining to my blog.

John 13:34

"A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love another."