Saturday, September 11, 2010

A REAL blog.

I felt I needed to like, ACTUALLY blog. Not just type some four paragraph "I'm a depressed emo child" thing.

So, here it is. My REAL blog. Anything new in my life? Not really. So far I am really enjoying my Senior Year. I'll enjoy it a lot more when I am finally back in my Creative Writing class second semester, but so far, I'm enjoying it. I have classes with friends (those few close ones that have yet to dwindle and am hoping won't) and all of my classes are just good. My English teacher has a freaking Irish husband and loves England. She doesn't give us homework and lets us write "journal entires" and they can be as long as we want. She wants to really "think about what we write". It's amazing. I love it. I'm hoping that this will challenge me in my writing and hopefully improve it. That's just part of my awesome English class. More will be coming throughout the semester.
I'm hoping friend drama won't occur this year, or if it does, it will subside quickly. I am hoping to go one school year without it. Senior Year is supposed to be the greatest, and I don't plan on letting anything get in my way. If I loose friends, I guess I'll have to deal, because like I said before, people change. It's almost never when I'm ready for it, but I need to learn that life happens, and it's up to you to make it how you want. As Hannah Montana once said "Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock."
As I am a Senior, I have been thinking about college a lot lately. Honestly, I don't want to go. The reasoning behind that? I don't like the "schooling" process. (Basically, I don't like Math, Science, History, etc.) I want to go to college for writing, and literature. That's it. My mom suggested I combine my two loves and become a "photo journalist." I told her you don't just become a journalist. She told me to take some classes. I would love that job. I really would. I think it would be exciting, adventurous and I would probably get to travel. But what I truly want to be and have wanted to be for a while is an author. I want people to read my words and be affected just like I am when I read a good book. I want all the world to read my words. I don't want to do it for the money or the fame, I want to do it because I have things to say and I want the world to "hear" them. I dream of having a book on the New York Times Best Seller list. Or sitting at a table and having people come to me asking me to sign their copy of my book. MY book. MY words.
I want to be like Jane Austen. How many people has she affected and still continues to affect many, many years after her death? How many people still read Pride and Prejudice and still talk about how they want a Mr. Darcy? How many people could be talking about how they want a Liam O'Gannon (a character in one of my stories) when I'm gone? Yes, I write "romance novels". Are they cheesy? No. Are they sexual and disgusting? No. They're just that, romance. A simple love between a guy and a girl that has ups and downs but works out in the end.

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Another thing I love. Photography. I've been ammaturely snapping shots for a few years now. Anything I find interesting, or anything that I think could be seen in a different point of view. Take a crack in a aged, old building for instance. To one person it could be a crack, to me, it could be a crack that could lead inside a building that hasn't been seen in years, decades, who knows. It could lead to secrets, memories. You never know what anything could lead to. I see photos that other professional photographers take, and they touch me. In a way some things never could. I want to do that. I hope that some day someone would see a photo of mine and be touched. Maybe I could brighten someone's day, make something they're dreading to do, a little easier.

Basically, all I want to do with this life is touch and affect other people. I believe God put me here to do just that. I have been so affected, changed, touched, molded by others I've come across in this life, that I believe that's what I'm supposed to do. Make life a little easier for someone whose got it bad. Lead people away from a dark place and into light.

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD."

Friday, September 10, 2010

Ch - Ch - Changes....

Why does high school change so many people? Do we do it because we have to fit in? Do we do it to feel better about ourselves? What makes everyone want to conform so badly? What's so great about being just like everyone else?

In my opinion, absolutely nothing. Nothing is fun or exciting about looking, acting, talking just like everyone else. So I'm not platinum blonde, so my skin isn't highlighter orange, so what? What is wrong with looking like a human being? Not a painted on Barbie doll? What is wrong with having REAL thoughts and REAL opinions, not just saying "Oh yeah, what she said." If you have half a brain, suddenly no one wants to talk to you. When did being smart become so stupid? Why do you have to fail at everything to be accepted by your peers? So that by the time you succeed in something, you have no one to share it with? What the crap is wrong with my generation?

And another thing. When did being a total jerk to your real friends become cool? Why is it you can be friends with people from 7th grade to 11th grade, and then 12th grade happens and all of the sudden they'd rather not talk to you.....or be nice to you......or they'd rather just be fake and pretend they like you. I'm not one of those people who can count her best friends on her fingers and toes. I have a few best best friends and I'm happy with that. But I used to be able to count my super close friends on all fingers.....why is that number slowly dwindling? What did I do?
People change. I get that. I understand that. I respect that.

But why does it happen when I'm never ready for it? And why does changing people have to effect my life?


"For everything there is a season. And a time under Heaven."
Ecclesiastes 3:1