A picking of my brain.

After re-reading my last post, I feel I needed to post an current update.

Things are good. I'm healthy, my family is healthy, I am ending my Senior on quite a high note. Graduation is in nine days. Nine days until the rest of my life begins. Nine days until I get to start anew. Begin the life I have been dreaming of. I am not looking at graduation as a time of leaving something but a time of starting something new. I am going to miss my school, I LIKE my school. I'm going to mi

ss my underclassmen friends, I am going to miss choir. But, life does go on. I will make new friends at my job, in my college courses, for the rest of my life. I am in a good place right now.

Yes, I am terrified about not being completely set in a place like I have been since elementary school, but I am excited, too. I will finally get to do things I want to do, try things I haven't tried yet and most of all; work on my writing. I will stop at nothing to get my book published. Through all the "no's", all the "that's not what we're looking for", I will be successful, I know it. How many artists, actors all heard thousands of no's before they got their first yes. I am so tired of the constant "I'm never good enough" or "I'm not good as they are" mentality the world tries to impose on us. Truth is, God made not one person alike. We are all different. And guess what? Being different is fantastic. Because we are made in HIS image, not what someone else wants us all to be.

I am one of those "different" people. A "dork" you might say. I embrace that title with pride. My favorite movie is the Lord of the Rings trilogy for pete's sake. My favorite "band" is called Celtic Thunder. I say things like "jeeze" and "shoot". I may not be a hot blonde with the orange skin and white teeth, but I am perfectly happy in my own body. I mean, I could have a bit longer legs, instead of the little stumps I currently have, but as I have learned from Glee recently, the things we hate about ourselves are what makes so unique.

So I totally lost track of what I was writing about. Sorry! My future is coming fast. I am ready to grab hold of it with both hands, embrace who God made to me and use the gifts He gave me to the best of my abilities. I am ready for the world to know Heather Joy Cheslik and read the words I have to say. I am ready to make an impact with every line, every sentence, every paragraph. So, world get ready. Here I come. :)

Yours truly,

Heather Joy x

Something's gotta give.

I am not going to mention who I am writing about here, but I'm hoping they will read it and know it is about them. I'm writing this because I love you, and can't imagine my life without you. I'm writing this because this is the best way to let out all the feelings I've been having the last couple months without causing an uproar. I'm writing this because I need to vent, again not because I'm turning into some depressed creepie.

Two years ago, I met a few people that I never knew would have such a huge impact on my life. People who brought others into my life that I now can't imagine life without. These people have not only become some of the greatest friends I've ever had, but also like a second family.

I could go to them with any of life's problems and they would give me advice. I could trust them with anything. We would have fun doing anything, not just doing the things that brought us together in the first place. But apparently that was then and this is now. In the past year, the dynamic of this friendship has changed drastically, even though we all don't want to admit it, it has. We all know it. The silent promises we made to each other to make these friendships last long past "this" (you know what I'm talking about) now only seems like a far off memory. Rules are meant to be broken, not promises. Right? Strong, honest friendships are supposed to stand up against anything, correct?

What do you do when people you thought would never let you down, do? If you were really as close as they perceive you to be, they would let nothing get in the way of the friendship. But when they do let things get in the way, when they are more interested in everyone else and you are pushed to the sidelines, you have to wonder. Did they ever really care? They said you weren't just friends, you were family. You would be forever. Were those lies?

We used to get so excited over seeing each other for a few hours every 2, 3 weeks, maybe once a month. Now when we get together, there's silent and remember when moments. We're always reminiscing. I have a thought on why; we're trying to keep a hold of what "we" used to be. What I think is that we still could be the same way, and never would have changed if it had stayed the "original" (for lack of a better term) group. We've welcomed others in (some good, some not so much) because that's what we always said we'd do, never leave someone out. But unfortunately, trying to do the right thing has backfired dangerously on us. "Back then", I never had to question anything. I always just knew. Now I do question. All the time. "What am I really doing this all for"? People are failing to realize that the issues we've been having only started when others were brought in. Until a year ago, we were the strongest, tightest knit group. Nothing could break us apart. Then one new person came, then another, then another, and by that last one, the old group didn't matter anymore. The "family" began to break apart and the few who cared weren't paid attention to. And now that many of us are steps away from finishing the breaking process. there's one question on my mind. If all this ended, if everyone threw in the towel and just quit; who would actually care? Who would actually feel like they lost something?